I have been looking at people pictures. And people watching. At the malls, sitting in restaurants, gazing out. On the roads, driving, stopping at red lights, looking (surreptiously) at pedestrians. Then looking at before and after pictures at sites like fitnessmagazine.com. And wishfully thinking I wanna look like her. Or her. Or her. Or her. Even her.
How did I get here? Girlfriends of course. Haha. And a book too.
'How to Meet a Man After Forty.. by Shane Watson'. Which I'd gotten ages ago, but never managed to sit down and read. I mean really sit down and read. I had quoted bits and pieces off of it to my sounding board :) He was teasing me about the quality of the stuff I read, so I started quoting lines from it just to prove him wrong. I like the book and I'm just over midway through it. OK I diverge.
The first chapter is called Am I Good for My Age? And it is hilarious! But it also made me think. Or rather cringe. One of the things I fear most is wearing stuff that is age-inappropriate. Under this chapter, Ms Watson has a section called Looking GYFA : Know Your Style and she categorizes all the different styles so neatly into;
Too Body Conscious
I think I can still do Scruffy Rock Chick
I'm doing Old-school Glamour
I'm a Chic Lady
Floaty and Feminine
In Too Body Conscious, she sums it up perfectly in this line - 'tight is cute on girls, and sexy on vamps with personal trainers, but can look desperate on a regular woman wearing ordinary underwear.'
I wont go into the other sections, they're just as plain speaking as this. And spot on. And funny. OK I diverge again.
About three weeks ago (maybe 4 or even 5), I met up with some girlfriends and we had started talking about appearance. I thought that all of us looked good in our own way. However, at the end of that exchange, everyone in the little group unanimously agreed that I was a tad too skinny and needed to put on some serious weight! No boobs, no butts were their verdict. Hey, I'm not so vain that I got worried about that, but what scared me was one of them saying, if I didnt put on anymore weight, I would age before my age! Nooooo! Everyone immediately went into expert mode on how best to put on weight.
See, I do eat. A lot. I am hungry all the time. But the calories start burning off as soon as I so much as taste the food. And eating all the time does get to be boring very quickly. Anyway, so one of them suggested I continue eating the way I do, but also to start drinking weight gain formula shakes in between meals. Which I did religiously for about 2 weeks.
And I did notice some weight gain. And I could fit into (and bought) a super cute strapless bra! Something I never thought I could manage!! Woot!
But I was also going to the bathroom a lot. And my stomach was bloated and queasy the whole time. Is that normal? Even if it is, it can't be good. So I stopped taking the milk shakes. I feel better but the downside of it was I lost all the weight I had gained!! :(
I spoke to another girlfriend two nights ago. She said, I look good the way I am. Never mind what other girlfriends say. They probably are just envious of me and want me to be fat like all of them. I guess so. The thing is I do think I am too thin and I think it would be nice to have a little cleavage and a little more butt. Haha. Yea, I know. Didn't I just say I wasn't vain? Damn. The grass is always greener on the other side.
I will have to make up my mind though. There is just enough weight gain formula left to make two more shakes. I think I will have those shakes before the day is over. Damn.